To Know Love

One of the things that gnaws at my heartstrings whenever reading about Asperger Syndrome, is the social interaction piece.  When I read things such as, “singled out by other children as weird or strange” or “failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level” or even see a picture of one child left out of a group, my heart aches.

B loves people; he is an extrovert extreme and lives for meeting new friends.  Another child in his class, a neighbor walking by on the street, a same-aged child at the park or a random stranger in the grocery store.  He wants to meet them all, but more importantly, he wants them all to be his friend.  Social anxiety and stranger danger are not phrases found in our vocabulary.

Sadly, I am already seeing his peers looking at him with hesitation when he so eagerly introduces himself.  B’s standard greeting is, “Hi, my name is B.  I am an older four.  Would you like to be my friend?” The general response… to take two steps back toward their parent, look uncomfortably up at me and shy away.  Sometimes, he is lucky to find another boy or girl who jumps right in to friendship with a simple greeting, but most of the time the other child moves away and B is left feeling sad because his attempts at making a friend failed yet again.

During B’s evaluation by the school district the school psychologist assigned to our case went into B’s classroom to observe him.  She noted an interaction that I think is pretty typical of B with a classmate.  During choice time, B went to an area in the classroom where blocks were set up.  B asked his classmate if he could help him build his tower.

The classmate responded, “No, I don’t want you to play by me.  You always knock things down and I don’t want my tower knocked down.”  B responded back to his classmate, “I would never do that to my friend.  I will not knock down your tower, you are my friend.”

I truly believe B meant what he said; he would never do anything to hurt his friend.  Of course, within about two minutes, B misjudged his body in space and sent the tower flying.  He was quick to help the child rebuild the tower, but the other boy no longer wanted him as a play companion.

Some of my biggest fears are that B will not have friends, that he may never marry and that he may never get to experience the joy of having a child.  He is loved abundantly by my husband and I.  His brother adores him.  His grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins fawn over him.  I am still scared though.

Since the day I found out I was pregnant with B, one of my main dreams was for him to know love.  I want him to know the love of a best friend who can be called on during the middle of the night when he has a problem in his life.  I want him to know the love of a spouse who treasures him, just as he is.  More than anything, I want him to know the love of a child.  That pure, beautiful, fully consuming love that can only happen between a parent and a child.

My biggest hope for B’s life is for him to know love.  Pure, simple love.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. spectrummymummy
    Sep 17, 2010 @ 13:05:36

    This is beautiful. I worried a lot about this when we first got the diagnosis, but I don’t think of it too much any more. For one thing, I wasn’t sure I’d want to get married and have kids until I met my husband, so there are no guarantees that my kids will want to either. Secondly, thinking so far in the future overwhelms me, I have to focus on right now, or I wouldn’t do what I need to do now, if that makes sense. I just hope that wrapping them up in love offers enough protection against the inevitable rejection they’re going to have to learn to deal with. And I suppose we’ll have to learn to live with the pain of watching our kids try and fail to make connections. At least they want to try, that is some comfort.

    Reply

    • autismisnot
      Sep 17, 2010 @ 14:45:02

      Thank you.

      This is good advice. I try to remember to think about now, but sometimes it is hard not to dream about the future. Our kids may fail to always make connections, but when they do, I suppose it will be that much more meaningful, right?

      Reply

  2. spectrummymummy
    Sep 19, 2010 @ 07:23:40

    I most definitely hope so!

    Reply

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