In Their Eyes

Whenever I hear someone say, “the only kids I like are my own” it makes me cringe.  You see, I have one (or two) of those kids that sometimes melts down in the middle of Target, has an insatiable need to touch everything and everyone in sight, is powered by the sun apparently, because they never run out of energy, will talk your ear off… You get the picture, I am pretty sure my kids are the type that make people make this statement.  In their eyes, my kids are not likable.

In my eyes, my children are perfect.  I have been working hard to gain a more realistic view of my children compared to their peers.  I have only ever known how to be a parent to my children, my adorable, sweet, high maintenance children.  I have grown so accustomed to working with, or sometimes around, their difficulties, that I lost sight of what typical development looks like in a child.  Through the process of having my boys evaluated, I thought I was gaining perspective on this.

As a part of the medical evaluation that we are having done for B next week, we needed to have some paperwork completed by his teacher.  She quickly got it done, and sent in back home in B’s backpack, sealed in an envelope.  Since I have become quite anal about organizing the mountains of paperwork, I make a copy of everything that we fill out to keep in my file as a reference. Yesterday, I brought that envelope to work with me so I could make a copy.  Bad idea.  Bad, bad idea.

Seeing your child in another person’s eyes can be quite painful.  Especially when you have an impulsive, high energy child that does not understand socialization, but yearns to make friends, doesn’t quite understand how to control their body and becomes grossly overwhelmed when their senses are stimulated.

I, apparently, still do not understand the extent of differences between B and his typically developing peers.  Almost every question on the form was answered on the extreme ends on the rating scale.  The questions that particularly started my heart on fire were: is disliked by other children, answered pretty much and makes friends, answered not at all.  The knots are twisting in my stomach and tears welling in my eyes again as I write this.

Not only did I have to see B in her eyes, but I caught a glimpse of B in his peers eyes.  It hurts my heart.

Hurting or not, I am trying to take the positives out of this situation.  A few things I have come up with:

  • When asked if B teases other children or calls him names, she answered not at all.
  • His teacher wrote that his strengths are being highly intelligent and articulate.
  • B’s teacher is very interested in learning new ways to help him in the classroom.  She asked to receive practical applications for behavior and sensory strategies for the school setting.
  • I have learned to fill out evaluations based on the worst day.  I assume his teacher uses this same practice, which is for his benefit.
  • Most importantly, B loves preschool.  He does not notice the differences, or dislike by his peers, yet. We are being handed the opportunity to help him before he starts noticing.

Today is a new day.  I am re-framing my thoughts.  My heart may still be smoldering from the fire yesterday, but the flames have gone out.  Today, I am thankful for his teacher’s honest opinion. For without her eyes, B may not get the things he needs to grow into the beautiful, compassionate young man I know he can be.


11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kim
    Oct 20, 2010 @ 12:10:12

    Love you, sweets. ❤


  2. Stacy
    Oct 20, 2010 @ 13:21:55

    From an outside perspective, the boys ARE perfect….and they are incredibly blessed to have such a loving and caring mom. ❤


  3. Hel
    Oct 21, 2010 @ 08:47:43

    B being “pretty much” disliked by his peers is not HIS issue, it’s his peers’. And the fact that he doesn’t have friends is because they “pretty much” dislike him. I am confident that this will change as he adapts to the classroom setting and everyone gets to know each other a little better. He is such a compassionate, kind little guy – how can his peers NOT come around? ❤


  4. akbutler
    Oct 21, 2010 @ 11:33:10

    I’m glad you’re taking away the positives, because that’s what really matters. The peer issue is a hard one – we all want our kids to be “liked”, but kids their age are finicky and tricky. You also don’t know how many other kids would get the same designation – diagnosis or not. The important thing is that he’s in a class where the teacher understands him and is willing to work with him and you. It’s a long haul but together you’ll make it work.


    • autismisnot
      Oct 21, 2010 @ 13:20:06

      We will! I think the classroom setting is just so tough for him due to his sensory issues. I hope someday we will get some of that under control and his classmates will learn to love the sweet little boy that I know and love.


  5. akbutler
    Oct 21, 2010 @ 11:34:06

    BTW – I hate those darn forms. Every time I read a report from a professional I cry.


  6. asdmommy
    Oct 27, 2010 @ 13:01:10

    ITA about the forms. They are hard to stomach. I just filled out one where the school psych asked what areas we think C needs support in. Out of 20, I checked all but 2. Ouch.

    The peer thing is the worst for me too. Every adult that experiences C thinks he is so cool. All the other parents in the class tell me how neat a kid they think he is. So why the kids don’t get it, I don’t understand. I’ve come to believe the problem is most definitely the other kids – they just have zero tolerance for differences. Ugh.


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