Cha Cha Cha Changes!

I am hesitating writing this post out of fear that I am about to jinx a good thing.  But…. we have been seeing some really amazing changes in B recently.  I am talking BIG changes. Things that, if they continue to happen, are going to let me breathe a sigh of relief, but more importantly, let B have more enjoyment in life.

B began attending an autism day treatment program, 2 days per week, a few months back.  The first week he thought it was great.  During the second week, he figured out they had high expectations for him and he starting fighting tooth and nail about going.  For the next few weeks, we were persistent in getting him there and his teachers were persistent in following his plan.

Now, only months later, he is a changed little boy.  We cannot believe the things we are seeing.  And now because I am a proud mama, I am going to share a few examples.

Example One

At his mainstream preschool, his special ed teacher fills out a sheet with him at the end of each day.  There is a box for each activity, along with little pictures of the expectations for good behavior for each activity.  For the past 4 class sessions he has received smiley faces for all activities, save two days when he received straight faces at arrival time.  That is a huge success for him, and gives me hope that he is going to be OK next year in kindergarten.

Example Two

We also receive a note each day from his day treatment program.  On that note, B circles an emotion(s) about how he felt that day, and the activities he did in each area for the day.  The teacher also provides a short note at the bottom about his day.  Yesterday she wrote that B requested a sensory break during hello group because he was feeling too excited.  Another huge success!

He recognized his feeling and realized it was not appropriate for that setting.  He left the room for a few minutes with a room helper to give his senses a break and he had a great remainder of the day.

Example Three

B loves going to the indoor play areas.  Since we live in a cold environment, it is a good escape during the winter months.  Recently, we figured out that going to the PlayLand at McDonald’s is much more enjoyable during the breakfast hours.  There are fewer kids, less noise and no happy meals, thus no toys.

Last weekend, after a week of pretty brutal cold, we decided to pack up the kids and have some McDonald’s breakfast at PlayLand.  When we arrived we did not get out of the car before explaining our expectations for behavior.  We reminded B of the rules and also reminded him that first we would eat and then he could play.

We got in the building.  E went up to order some food and I took the boys in.  B went and picked a table, took off his jacket and shoes and sat down.  Without a single reminder.  He sat nicely at the table waiting for food.  During that time there were two moms, each with two boys, eating in the PlayLand.  The boys were all acting awful and the moms were just yelling across the room instead of actually disciplining them.

There were a few moments when I saw B’s eyes change and I thought I was going to lose him, but he held strong! No behavior modeling, no complaints about eating first, nothing.  I was amazed! He ate a great breakfast and then played nicely, using an indoor voice, for over an hour.  He needed a few reminders, but quickly corrected his behaviors each time.  I had to double check that I had the right child!

I am so proud of my boy.  He is going to be OK.  There will still be tough days, no doubt, but we are turning a corner.  My husband and I have found ourselves giving each other that look with mouths agape in amazement and our hearts swelling with pride a lot lately.  We are changing and change is good.

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Climb Up and Walk On

During the months leading up to and following A’s diagnosis in December, I hit a very low spot in my life. It has been coming on for quite some time now, but this was a breaking point for me.  I slipped into a dark place.

I am trying to climb up and walk on.

At the end of December, I started seeing a therapist for me.  Did you hear that? That is right, I said m-e, ME.

She is a wondering, caring, insightful woman who has special needs children of her own.  She is helping me to climb up out of the dark place I slipped into.  It is not a quick process, nor an easy process.  I am being helped along by a good new friend of mine, Zoloft.

During the past year, and especially the past six months or so, there are many areas of my life that have really taken a beating.  My home, my marriage, my job, friendships.  I could continue, but I won’t.  The important thing is I am working on building those things back up.  I am climbing up and walking on.

One of the things I am working on with my therapist is working on these things for me.  Her theory with me is that I am so busy taking care of everyone else that I have totally forgotten about me.  Not an uncommon thing to have happen to a mom of two young children.  Probably even less uncommon for a mom of two young, special needs children.

That being said, there is not reason to neglect me.  My husband, my children, my family, my friends and my coworkers all need me to take care of me.

There was a time in my life when I worked hard to find ways to get my husbands head to turn.  More recently, I quickly find my ugliest pair of sweatpants in hopes that at the end of the day he won’t want anything to do with me and I can just be left alone.  In the past I prided myself on always being responsive to my friends and family.  Now emails and phones calls often times go unanswered.  My job used to be a very important part of me.  I was always proud of my work because I worked hard to make a good product.  Lately, I find myself doing the bare minimum and spending a good part of the day just staring at my computer screen not knowing what to do.

I need to shine again.  I need to be a good wife, a caring friend and a successful worker.  Not because it is the right thing to do.  Not because someone told me I need to.  I need to do it because it is part of what makes me the person I am.  It is what makes me happy.

Going forward I am still going to be an awesome mom and a huge advocate for my children.  I will do anything to make their lives a little bit easier.  However, I am going to keep reminding myself to be me, to make myself happy too.

I am climbing up and walking on.