I am trying to re-acclimate myself with my blog.

When I started this blog, I was in a place of crisis. One of my coping mechanism was to write.  As I wrote, I started to put some of my thoughts down in this blog.  As I moved out of the initial crisis of having two children identified with autism in less than a year and what that meant for our family, I moved on from writing as much. I continued to journal my thoughts, but not here. My energy moved to maintaining our life, working and carrying out therapies.

We are now entering a new path on our journey. Our almost 15 month old, third-born son is scheduled to be evaluated by a neuropsychologist at the end of this month. She will be administering the ADOS on my baby in just over a week. I am terrified. I can feel myself moving towards that place of crisis again.

I really can’t put into words how I am feeling right now. I am on autopilot and I have a wall up. I think I am not letting myself feel until I can make it through this appointment. The stuff he is doing, well it is one red flag after another and it is scary. I am trying to make myself feel something, anything and it just isn’t coming.  So instead of feeling, I am just doing. I can feel later.

As a coping mechanism, I find myself writing more. So I am here, to write and to cope and to re-acclimate myself with this place that was such great solace to me not that long ago.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah Stepleton
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 02:15:47

    I stumbled across your blog as I was writing my own. I did a web search to see if re-acclimate was a real word. Your website happened to pop up. It immediately caught my attention because my son also has autism. I read your post from April and my heart immediately went out to your family. I felt compelled to write to say I appreciate your honesty, to remind you (and myself) that we are not alone, and to ask (if I may) how the ADOS went for your third child. You’re an amazing mom and I pray the richest of blessings for you and your family!


  2. Tiffany A. Mann Collins
    Nov 29, 2014 @ 14:51:29

    My three year old son was just diagnosed with MSDD. I found your blog in my search to educate myself. I hope your family is doing well.


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